I’ve ragdolled through powder, clipped trees, even tomahawked down steeps. None of that compares to the time I ate it in the parking lot. I was half awake, carrying my board under one arm, slipped on ice and went down hard on my hip. Didn’t even make it to the lift. Coffee everywhere.
That’s the part nobody tells you. It’s not always the big crashes that wreck people. A lot of injuries happen in the dumbest ways — lift lines, walking in boots, strapping in wrong, or just rushing when you’re tired. I’ve seen it all.
So let’s talk about the stupid wipeouts. The ones that shouldn’t happen but do all the time.
1. Lift Line Mayhem
You’d think the most dangerous place on the mountain is some double black with cliffs. Nope. It’s the lift line. I’ve watched full-grown adults eat snow because they weren’t paying attention, caught a ski tip, or tried to skate in like a hero. Nothing humbles you faster than stacking it with 200 people watching.
I’ve done it too. And it’s even worse when wearing my instructors jacket.
Last year in Utah, one of my (older) students snapped his tib-fib right in front of me. He slipped skating forward, front foot wedged, body twisted and it went with a sound I’ll never forget. Brutal way to start the season. Luckily he’s back in action this year.
I also once saw a guy break his thumb… in the lift line. Not from falling, not from crashing, but from trying to open a frozen energy drink with his glove still on. He slipped, popped it and the can took his thumb sideways. Patrol had to sled him out before he’d even made it onto the lift. Never lived it down.
2. Chairlift Fails
Getting off a chairlift is way sketchier than people admit. Once the snowboarder in front of me decided to sort of ollie off the ramp instead of just riding it out. His nose dug in, he went flying and his shoulder popped out before his day had even started. The rest of us had to shuffle around him and attempt to escort him down the hill. Took an hour.
Funny thing is, he’s now one of my closest buddies (shoutout Jonny). He’s dislocated his shoulder twice more since, both times under the chair whilst trying to impress people. No helping some people.
3. Après Wipeouts
Après is where some of the dumbest injuries happen. I once saw a guy take a harder fall walking to his truck than he did all day on the hill. He slipped on black ice with a beer in each hand and broke his collarbone trying to save them. To be fair, he didn’t spill much — priorities were clear.
4. Binding Betrayal
Bad DIN settings are a silent killer. I saw a guy on rentals with his skis set way too loose. First turn of the day, his ski popped off for no reason, launched down the slope and smoked his buddy straight in the shin. The guy who lost the ski was fine. The buddy ended up with a cracked tibia and a free ride down in a sled. Gear failures (or other peoples gear failures) are a common threat.
5. Snack Attack
Guy on my lift tried to open a granola bar with his teeth. The wrapper snapped, bar launched and he leaned too far to catch it. Slipped right off the seat and had to dangle by one arm until patrol stopped the whole line. He lost the snack (and his dignity).
6. The Porta Potty
Ski boots and ice don’t mix, especially in parking lots. One poor guy was hustling to the porta potty, caught a patch of glare ice, and went down with the door wide open. He slid straight inside, legs kicking out, and smashed the whole thing sideways. No real injury, but he came out covered in blue chemical water with a crowd of tailgaters cheering. Easily the worst walk of shame I’ve ever seen at a mountain.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that the mountain doesn’t need cliffs or sketchy lines to mess you up. Half the time it’s the dumb stuff that gets you. Walking to the lift in your boots, tripping over your own gear, trying to look smooth in front of people and eating it in the dumbest way possible. I’ve broken bones in powder and I’ve bruised myself worse in a parking lot. That’s just how it goes.
I’m not here to pretend I’ve got it figured out. I’ve made plenty of these mistakes and I’ll probably make more. But they always turn into the best stories (once the bruises fade). If you’ve had one of those injuries that was more stupid than gnarly, I want to hear it. Tell me what took you out. I guarantee you’re not the only one.
